What Men in Their 50s Want in a Woman: 10 Honest Answers

What do men in their 50s want in a woman?

1. Someone who's interested in his life

   Not impressed by it. Interested in it. A man in his 50s has usually had a career, raised children or wished he had, and lost a few people along the way. The woman who asks a follow-up question, and remembers the answer next week, stands out enormously. It sounds obvious, but a great many first dates are two people taking turns to talk. Being properly curious, about his work, his children, the house he's doing up, makes him feel seen in a way he may not have felt for years.

2. A woman with her own life

   Men in their 50s are wary of being someone's whole world. They like a woman who has friends, plans and opinions, and who's busy on a Tuesday. It isn't about wanting less of you; it's that a full life is attractive and a little bit of mystery goes a long way. Mention the evening class, the friends you're meeting on Friday, the trip you're planning with your sister. It tells him you're choosing him, not filling a gap.

3. Humour, more than anything

   Ask men this age what they noticed first about a partner they loved, and a lot of them say she made them laugh. Not jokes, necessarily. Just someone who finds the same things absurd, who can laugh at a burnt dinner or a wrong turning, and who doesn't take a first date too seriously. If you can make each other laugh by the second coffee, most other things tend to fall into place.

4. Honesty about the past

   He has a past and assumes you do too. What men in their 50s find off-putting isn't an ex-husband or three grown children; it's vagueness. Say what happened, briefly and without bitterness, and move on to the good bits. He'll usually do the same, and you'll both relax once the past has been mentioned and set down.

5. Affection that's easy

   Plenty of men this age come out of long marriages where affection had quietly dried up. A hand on the arm, a hug hello, someone who's simply warm: it matters more than they'll admit, and more than most women expect. Many men this age find it hard to ask for, so a woman who offers it naturally, without it having to mean anything big yet, is a real comfort.

6. No games about pace

   He doesn't want to be kept guessing, and he doesn't want to be rushed. Most men in their 50s like a steady build: a few messages, a call, a coffee, then dinner if it went well. Say what pace suits you and he'll usually be relieved. The men who push for too much too soon, or who go quiet for a week and reappear, are usually the ones you'd want to filter out anyway.

7. To be liked as he is now

   Men worry about getting older far more than they let on: the hairline, the knees, the reading glasses. The woman who clearly likes him as he is, rather than the man he was at 35, wins a lot of loyalty. The same is true the other way round, of course, and the best couples at this age are usually the ones who stopped worrying about it together.

8. Room for his family

   If he has children, they matter, even when they're grown up and living in Bristol. He wants someone who isn't threatened by that and who doesn't expect him to choose. The same goes the other way: most men expect, and like, that your family comes as part of you. Meeting each other's families is usually a slow, careful thing at this age, and that's as it should be.

9. Someone to make plans with

   Men in their 50s often say the thing they missed most when single wasn't romance; it was having someone to plan things with. The holiday, the new restaurant, the walk you've both been meaning to do. A woman who says "we should go there" is speaking his language. Many men find it easier to show affection by organising something than by saying it, so if he suggests a day out, that's often the compliment.

10. The thing they rarely say out loud

    Most of them are nervous. About rejection, about doing it wrong, about whether anyone will fancy them at all. A man in his 50s who seems a bit stiff on a first date is very often just out of practice. A little kindness at the start goes an extraordinarily long way. Ask him an easy question, laugh at his slightly rusty joke, and give him the chance to relax. The man underneath is often well worth meeting.